First off, I want to clear something up. Anyone, and I repeat, ANYONE, can be a mystic. This is a self-given title that I have fun utilizing because I so truly love the mystical components of the life journey. If you choose to study the deeper workings of the Universe and utilize the wisdom to help yourself become the most authentic and loving version of yourself, then, in my opinion, you are a Mystic. Even better if you utilize those tools to help others be the best version of themselves.
I am passionate about this part of life because the Mystical saved my life.
(*I want to share part of my old story with you here, and I hope that my expression of this old leg of my journey can assist you or someone you love move through addiction or depression of any kind.*)
A few years ago I was in a session with my old therapist, and I was having what could be considered a pretty massive breakthrough. I walked through my past with her: addictions of all kinds, workaholism, perfectionism, the most unhealthy relationship to my body and to life itself. I burst into tears when I remembered my turning point, of finally answering the call inside of me to get healthy and get aligned with my Spirit. This was the first moment I realized why I was so obsessed with mystical sh*t, because basically, it kept me alive and kicking on Planet Earth, instead of vacating, aka, exiting, checking out, or dying.
When I was 19 I started reading spiritual books and began to study art in college. I shifted away from my Marketing / Political Science degree and surrendered into my creativity and personal relationship with myself. It was some of the darkest years I remember because so much got dislodged from my subconscious and I had to face all of it, alone, living in California away from my family. And I was wayyyy too scared to ask for any kind of help (NOT a good idea, ever everyone!). The intensity of the emotions and the constant sadness gave way to addiction, and truthfully, after a year of disrespecting my Being on every level, I had a crazy thing happen one night that looking back on it changed my life forever and started me on my path with the Mystical.
Since I was young, I'd always had a crazy connection to horses. My family moved to an equestrian neighborhood in Arizona and I began horse riding lessons immediately. I was a really happy kid until about age 8 when I started to get extremely self-conscious. Horseback riding and being in the desert with those sacred creatures was medicinal for me. It still is.
So fast forward many years- I found myself on a bender with my then LA party crew, nearly having heart palpitations from doing some really bad cocaine. We somehow ended up at a friends horse stable (don’t even ask, b/c if you’ve partied before you know how those nights can go...) and there I was walking around, searching for water, dying inside.
But I wasn’t physically dying from what I could feel, I was dying spiritually. I was exhausted and completely lost. And in that state of high, I realized how sick I was, not physically, but mentally, emotionally and most importantly, spiritually.
I truly hit rock bottom right there. And before I did, I stood before a stable (still in search of water), where the most majestic black horse stood. It looked back at me, caught my gaze, and whether it was the drugs or me, I literally heard something in me ask the question,
“What are you doing with your life?”
I felt embarrassed and small in the presence of Mother Nature and I knew that I had to change fast or I was going to ruin my life.
Why share all of this? Well number 1, it is EXTREMELY vulnerable for me to share this story, not only to risk sounding slightly insane but also because, no one really knows about that chapter of my life. But what I learned most of all from that faited chapter is this: ALL WAYS OF DARKNESS LEADS US BACK TO THE LIGHT.
The next morning when I woke up, I first chose to forgive myself for everything I had been putting myself through and I decided to make a massive change. I won’t go through the last 8 years with you, but I will say that that day, was truly the first day of my journey with the mystical and coming home into the beauty of Myself.
The mystical to me is having a deeper relationship with life and finding our self-worth and power from within. We are raised to think that everything and everyone outside of us define our value. We have been conditioned to that idea since we were very young.
For me, journeying into the mystical gave me an anchor to explore life on my own terms. It gave me tools to begin to define myself and most importantly, to enjoy my time alone with myself.
If we want to find our purpose, we have to know how to be alone. We have to know how to sustain from the inside out to truly be powerful and effective with life.
I share this story in hopes that it can assist, especially anyone going through darkness of their own.